Moxie Column Cheating
Moxie Column Cheating
Moxie Column Cheating, this week on The Moxie Column I want to talk about this whole Governor Bentley cheating scandal. Well, not so much about Governor Bentley himself but about what constitutes as “cheating” in a relationship.
I also have to hearken back to the good ole days of Bill Clinton too when he tried to wriggle his way out of confessing to an affair by asking what exactly “is” is.
Governor Bentley denied having a sexual relationship with Rebekah Caldwell Mason. A terrible attempt of some sort of a slinky-dish talk from the Governor is recorded digitally for forever and ever.
The local radio hosts are having a blast with this story. I personally think it’s sad.
What is cheating? Is it a physical relationship or can it be one of an emotional context, without any sexual contact?
I have to start by asking myself this question, How would I feel if The Gent started communicating with another woman where he shared intimate information. I don’t mean sexting or sexual content. I mean where he starts communicating with her about how is day is going, his frustrations, his concerns, his humor; all of this on a regular basis. I would be devastated. I would be heartbroken and my trust in him would be reduced to nothing. This, to me, would be cheating.
Immediately, I think of Nora Ephron’s tale of When Harry Met Sally. In one scene, Harry is telling Sally how men and women can’t be friends. She doesn’t believe this and wants to argue with him. However, a young Harry demonstrates his case with verbal scenarios about how all men want to have sex with women no matter what, therefore they cannot be “just friends” with any women, you know, because of the sex thing.
That scene cracks me up and is probably where I started to believe this myth. It makes sense, does it not? Is it true? I don’t know. I am not a man. It seems that men in the world today have changed, so it probably isn’t true anymore.
But I digress.
Let’s assume we are talking about the good-ole-fashioned red-blooded dose of testosterone sort of man in the relationship.
Now, do we have thoughts of other people? I’m sure we do. We are human after all. If you see someone that is attractive do you not think to yourself, “Yes, he/she is attractive.” Do we have other thoughts as well, I’m sure, we are human.
My hope is that we do not seek to open dialogue, with flirtatious intent, with that person. Flirting is like the gateway drug, it normally leads to other forms of addiction.
But what if we are not married? Does it count as cheating if there have been no wedding vows exchanged? Does it matter if we are just dating one person or multiple people for that matter like they did back in the day when dating was actually dating? Back in my grandmother’s day, they actually dated more than one person at a time. And back then, dating meant a meal, perhaps dancing and a movie. It did not mean sex. It was how they decided who would be right for them, it was how they got to know each other by spending time dating.
Perhaps dating multiple people led to finding the right person, Mr. Right, which eventually led to a courtship before engagement and then marriage. You know, before technology came along and online dating was created.
Where did it all go wrong? The invention of technology, the separation from God, the lack of moral judgment, reality television? What has happened to us?
Oh, I am sure they had cheating going on back in my grandparents day too, just watch Mad Men.
To me, it was not common back then as it is now. It is like cancer. I remember when I was a little girl that when someone found out they had cancer it was so extraordinarily unthinkable. It was unheard of at that time!
Today, cancer is so common, although just as devastating as it was back then.
Can we say the same about cheating? Has the frequency been accelerated to rocket speed? It seems so and it is still just as destructive. The only difference? Now, the whole world is watching.
Ciao Mio Amore,