My Girlhood Insecurities

My Girlhood Insecurities

I’ve never been the girly-girl type. Sure, I like to shop, wear stilettos, wear a good smokey-eye, and get my hair done from time to time. I’m not any different in that regard but I think I am lacking in most stereotypical girl stuff. And by the way, I am glad the stereotypical girl-type is going by the wayside. Or maybe it’s just that I am getting older, I don’t know. No, I think how society used to view women has definitely changed over the years. Thank God.

Can I still be indecisive? Yes. Do I cry over Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks getting together at the end of You’ve Got Mail? Every single time. Do I still want my husband to find me attractive and desirable? Definitely.

girlfriendquote

What I am lacking in is the girlfriend factor. I am not a good girlfriend. Do I have girlfriends? Yes, and they are amazing. They are strong, smart, and generous women. But no matter how long I’ve known them, I still feel weird about being in their presence. It’s not them. It’s me.

I get envious when I see other women out and about, together doing their girls night out thing. I find myself longing for that kind of closeness with another girlfriend. But I stay so closed up with my feelings and emotions. While I would like to share in all that is girlhood, I normally don’t. I keep my guard up no matter what, most of the time. Why do I do this? Fear.

But that’s not why I came in here to blog tonight. I do want to celebrate the girlhood. I have experienced and witnessed the changing of how society portrays women and girlfriends. I said earlier that I thought maybe it was just because I have gotten older and while that is true, I also believe that we, as women and girlfriends, have definitely changed the way society sees us.

Some of us like to wear stilettos. Some of us like to bake. Some of us like guns. Some of us like sports. Some of us are politicos. Some of us are feminists (I believe all of us are feminists in some form). Some of us have kids. Some of us don’t. Some of us work in the corporate world. Some of us dedicate our time to the home and family. Some of us like to drive fast cars. Some of us like to farm. Some of us are brutally honest. Some of us are God-fearing. Well, you get the point by now I hope.

friendquote

We are all women with different interests and loves and desires. Our priorities may be different from others. But what I’ve seen, women are caring creatures and very accepting and tolerant of a lot of stuff and THAT is the kind of thing I want with girlfriends. I want the freedom to be me and have them accept me for who or what I am. Wait, they already do. Perhaps I am the one who is not accepting of myself. Bingo. Fear. So I push away from the girlhood most of the time. I am missing out.

From here on out, I will work on this default of mine. I will try to be more open and willing and reach out more to the girlfriends in my life and even make new friends.

What about you? What are your thoughts on girlhood?

Thanks for reading,

#bloglikecrazy

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A middle-aged, petite, CrossFit athlete. #MoxieFit50

5 Comments
  • Kathryn lang says:

    Carol – I completely get what you are saying. Connections can be tough – and it only seems to be tougher when you see others are already connected.

    Thanks so much for being willing to share.

  • Kristine says:

    I love this entry because I can completely relate to it. I’ve always been guarded with people, not sharing much. I felt that I wasn’t interesting. Why would they care about what I had to say?? I would see women out together, having a great time and I would get depressed. Why couldn’t I have that? It wasn’t until I started to really make an effort, step out of my comfort zone and share myself that I started to make friends. And now I have a great group of girlfriends. They’ve given me a confidence in myself I didn’t even know I was missing. And boot camp has been another wonderful source of new friends. At first, I bonded with everyone over exercise but now it’s become so much more. Our group supports each other in such a fantastic way in ALL things, not just getting fit. It’s like a therapy session every morning at 5:30. And I am so thrilled to have met you there, Carol. You really are one of the reasons I love going there every day. Thank you for this post and for sharing.

    • Carol Ann says:

      Oh my, thank you. 🙂 Thank you for coming in here and commenting. It means so much to me that you took the time. I am also glad I am not the only one and you have given me hope!

  • Carol Ann says:

    Thanks Cherith. I like to think I am a great listener.

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C.A. MARKS

#MoxieFit50 #Grit
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